Why can’t I blog?

I guess this is probably not a complicated question, but I guess it is for me. I have so much to say about so many random things in my life, so why can’t I make myself sit down and share it? Maybe because nobody is reading it 🙂

Do you have children?

So….why is this a complicated question? Well, because I really don’t know the right answer to the question. You see, I am a “mom” of a 19 year-old daughter. A beautiful young lady whom I love dearly. We have an awesome relationship and, as is the case, with so many young adults and their parents, she is one of my best friends. Yet, she is not really mine. She is my step-daughter. She and I both refer to each other as “mother-daughter” because, for all practical purposes, we are, but in small way our relationship hurts both of us. It hurts my sweet girl because she feels neglected by her mother but still feels guilty for not sharing the bond that she and I have with her own mother. After all, it is unnatural for a girl not to live and be close to her own mother. Our relationship hurts me in the fact that she isn’t “mine.” No matter what I do or how much I love her, she will always belong to someone else….regardless if that person deserves her or not.

The second awful reality to this question for me is that I am the genuine, 100%, full-fledged mother to a sweet, sweet little boy. He was born so beautiful and so, so, so calm and laid back. He was nothing but love for almost four months. That is when we lost him.

So back to the dreaded question…..I guess I was a “real” mom for almost four months. I feel that I have been a mother for five years but in the eyes of some, I guess I still am not technically a mom.

So now you know the reason for the title of my blog. Maybe together we can come up with the best answer possible.